Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
