its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
