So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
