the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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