I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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