After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
