I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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