i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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