Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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