what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
