you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
