I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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