i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no you cant smoke seaweed
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
