You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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