dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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