I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
