good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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