The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
