i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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