We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize