I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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