I am puke
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
