You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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