i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
