dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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