I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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