Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
