I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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