she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
