I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
