i jhust puked up my retainher.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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