i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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