Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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