can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
