i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
