sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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