I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
