Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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