i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
