I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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