Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
