Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I sprained my soul last night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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