I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
