Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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