he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
