I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
