Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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