If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
