You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
