Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
