Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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