He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
