i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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