What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
