I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
