It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
