There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
