Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
