so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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