my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
