i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a hot homeless man
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
