Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
