ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
