oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
