Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
